apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize