Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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