how can u be prego again
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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