Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
