And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I need to wash the frat house off of me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
