I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
