sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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