Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
