I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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