and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
That accounts for only three of the penises
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
