You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
