JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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