Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
