How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
