DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
