no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
