I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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