Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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