when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
