Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
