i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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