i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
