we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I didn't notice because vodka
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
