that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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