I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dicks are not precious.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
