A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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