If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
