You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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