Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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