I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
