im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
