I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
