are you still at the devil's house?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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