i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize