Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He kissed a someone with a penis
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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