i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
