Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
