I need to stop coming to work sober
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
