hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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