i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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