I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
