I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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