He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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