No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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