I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize