and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
