I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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