to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
