i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
