I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
