He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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