What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
