If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
