Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
