If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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