...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
