Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
