So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
