We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
tell me about the eggs
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
