When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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