dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
