The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
