drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
