the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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