The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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