did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
