I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We were destined to go to rehab together
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
