hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
