the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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