Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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